Week 9: 2 Months In ☀️

¡Buenas todos! ¿Cómo estás? 

I was talking to an elder in my district the other day about how when talking about missions, everybody says to "just enjoy it" and "embrace the experience." And i have been trying to, but I have also learned that it's REALLY hard to enjoy something that REALLY sucks sometimes. And dont get me wrong, it has been amazing meeting people and seeing how they have been affected by accepting God in their lives- but its really hard! I mean who likes walking in the blistering heat all day while getting chased down by dogs and ignored, rejected and made fun of by the people we are trying to help?? And on top of that everyone treats you like you have a disability because you don't understand what they're saying? I would definitely much rather be safe at home with my family and watching The Office with a bowl of ice cream- but I'm not. I didn't only sign up for this, but i'm PAYING to be here. And mama didn't raise a quitter

OK here's some happenings this week:

- I have been having like a LOT of dreams of home, and in every single on it's where i have "finally finished my mission!" and i'm so happy be to be home and im with my family again!

But then I wake up and I am still here. Those days specifically have been hard

- here is my question: why do bugs feel the need to bite people? What do they gain besides death by me and emnity from man? 

-most dogs are wuss unless they're safe behind a fence. Come face me like a man you coward 

-Panamanians cannot sing to save their life

-I told some friends in the MTC that I wanted to become more of a hugger on the mission, and God must have heard it too because he gave me a comp that *LOVES* hugs and physical touch. To the point where i'm thinking we either have to DTR or have a talk about boundaries. (That DTR was a joke btw). But how lucky am I that the hardest thing about my comp is she loves hugs? 

I dont know how many of you have actually been reading me emails about the people we've been teaching- I know I was only ever interested in seeing the photos in my siblings mission emails lol- but lowkenuienly some weird stuff happened this week

I will start with Osnay. I mentioned her on my last email- she was the lady who waited at the bus stop for us for 40 minutes because she wanted to come to church.  

I will share some of her story just for context: BASICALLY she has been in a domestically abusive relationship for years and even went to psychiatric care in the hospital. We taught her about how God sees her struggles and advised her to reach out to the police. We visited her a few more times and then last Monday night we were walking to her house to visit when we saw her and her 7 year old son on the sidewalk. She said she needed to stay away from the house because her boyfriend was there and threatening to kill her, and that the next morning she was going to the police. We were like holy crap- like what could we even do for her in this situation but pray? For the next few days we kept going by to make sure she was OK and especially alive, but nobody answered 

Finally on Thursday, we yelled outside her house and right when we were about to give up, she walked out! The relief that rushed over me was insane. She brought us in, and first let me say- we could not feel the spirit in that home. She told us where she has been and showed us her paperwork she filed against her boyfriend. Keep in mind I still don't understand spanish, but when she stood up and started trying to pull my companion off the couch to follow her into the house, I knew exactally why. My comp refused as nicely as she could and INSISTED it was really not necessary, but Osnay kept pulling her, and when she wouldn't budge, she came to me. She grabbed my wrists and started pulling me off the couch. TRUST i tried to pull back but that lady was strong and would not let go- I stared at my comp with panick as she pulled me off my chair and down the hallway. Her exact words were, "Come see the one who hit me" 

Yeah heck no

She held onto my wrists the entire time as she showed us her house and then the rest of her kids who she also has a bad relationship with, and then she tried to pull me into her BEDROOM. No i did not go into the bedroom and yes i know- survival instincts of a potato. We smiled and tried to get back to the living room as soon as possible but i did notice the blood splattered on the wall. We left soon after, and for our own saftey and for the saftey of Osnay, we decided we would not be returning to her house, but we could meet outside on the streets or in public. This is partially because we have never met her boyfriend and we don't know what could happen to us or her if he finds out we were the ones advising her to turn him into the police.

All I know is that neither me or my companion felt the spirit of God in that house. In fact we felt the opposite. I feel peace in knowing the gospel blesses peoples lives and encourages everyone to be better and live better. i don't really know how to end this story besides sharing this scripture from 3 Nephi 14: 16-18:

"Ye shall know them by their fruits. Do men gather grapes of thorns, or figs of thistles?

17 Even so every good tree bringeth forth good fruit; but a corrupt tree bringeth forth evil fruit.

18 A good tree cannot bring forth evil fruit, neither a corrupt tree bring forth good fruit."

Yesterday as my comp and I were walking to a lesson, I was asking myself what was my reason for being here? Why did I decide to serve a mission besides that it has always been my plan to serve? I feel like im not even doing any good here and I can't speak the language. Then I heard some mumbling behind us and when I looked back I saw a guy who was obviously drunk. We see this a lot so I didnt think much of it, but then he came closer and said he had a question for us. From what I remember this guy looked about his mid to late 20's had a braid in the back of his head like anakin from star wars, and his eyes were a little yellow. He asked us why Jesus came to earth? We explained that he came for him, and for us. I wish i could have understood the conversation more, but he told us he is "a man of the world, doing things that arent right" and that if God was there, why hasn't he come to help him? 

As transcribed by my companion: 

Him: " i am a sinner , and you are angels sent by god"

Hma fernando: "no hermano, we also make mistakes. Nobody is perfect"

Him: " no, you don't understand why I'm talking to you. I know that you are angels"

He also told us the braid in the back of his head was because Jesus had long hair, and he was taking care of it like his life. 

Looking at him it was obvious something had broken him

He told us his name but I only caught part of it. We told him God loved him and invited him to church, but i wish we got his number or found some way to help him. I watched him as he walked away. He continued down the road and it looked like he started crying because he was wiping his face and eyes. then he stumbled into a ditch, bent over like he was gonna throw up, but then stood back up and walked out of view

This man looked broken, and was an answer to my questions and doubts I was having literally 2 minutes before. I came here to help people like him. To help them know that God loves them. I don't know where I would be if i didnt know i will be with my family for eternity, or that i can be forgiven for all my mistakes, and that when I feel alone, I can take comfort in knowing Jesus Christ felt the way I feel and he loves me

Lo siento for this really long email, if you read it to the end then you get extra points- good job

I might sound like another desperate missionary asking for emails but its because I am- email me!!!!!

Hma wride

Shoutout Jenna's b day today! Me and hma ate sushi in your honor

Prayer list: 

Yisel, Jullian, misela, Gabriel, Osnay, Jesús, gabriella, Andreina, Xavier, Genesis, Geral, Joanna, Merian, Luis

Photos (don't know the order):

-ice cream with the zone

-FHE with some friends!

-this place is called the cornfield, there's glass all over the dirt floor while kids are running around barefoot but despite their situation everyone there is so happy

-sunset

-how cute my sister??? Love you princess

-there's a holiday on the 21 of September where you give someone you care about yellow flowers, and our friend Jeffrey handmade note cards for me and hma with yellow flowers

-seeing a rainy sky is almost as good as a baptism

-jehovas witnesses we saw lol. If you look there's the ones behind me and even more behind them tehe. To everyone else we must all look the same because I thought they were missionaries at first

-Last but not least Yisels baptism! she is the best

Ok this is actually long I will shut up now